I’ve my theory about why most solutions-based books or programs don’t work. The very first ones which come to mind are weight loss and relationships. If they did work, then we wouldn’t have the second most obese nation in the world (second now to Mexico) along with a 50% divorce rate.
I refer to it as „The Theory of Threes”.
the theory of Threes implies that you will find three stuff that must happen for switch to occur. They often include 1) acknowledging that change is going to be beneficial 2) Understanding the cause of The issue and 3) acting to effectuate change.
For example, weight loss is a huge industry. There are numerous programs that „pitch” how easy it is to lose and keep off the weight. So why do most people fail? In my opinion, it is because one of the three theories is not addressed. Think about it. When someone goes to a weight loss program, they acknowledge their desire to shed weight and so are motivated from the program to adopt action with encouragement and meal recommendations. however the Something they don’t address will be the cause of the problem, or the psychological reason for the overeating. Even if the person is temporarily successful at losing weight, at some point in the future the psychological cause of The issue (overeating) will flame up as well as the client is going to be back to where they started. In other words, This program doesn’t take care of the emotional reason for the addiction.
With relationship or self-help books, they may be very good at presenting scenarios where people can understand and relate to a problem (the root). and also they may be reading the book, they’ve got acknowledged a change is necessary. the main one thing which is missing on this situation is accountability. Whereas in the weight loss program, There’s a therapist cheering anyone to exercise and eat properly, in self-help one is left to being their own cheering section. Even if they go to a therapist, most of the time is focused on the root, not action. From my experience, even the slightest amount of change can result in huge benefits in a relationship. Showing one’s wife that she is loved will open the channels of communication and facilitate other change.
In many marriage-relationship books strongly addressed will be the cause of marital problems as well as the desire to change. Also addressed is often accountability. Action plans for visitors presented to create new habits, measure success and enhance their marriage… literally overnight. this is Also the approach when men or couples are counseled by many people professionals.
one day an output colleague of mine was speaking with his cousin, a doctor, who told him that his marriage was on the rocks. He was upset concerning the situation but didn’t understand what to do. He knew there was a problem and acknowledged that he needed to make some changes to make things better. But he was frozen on a solution. So my colleague started to read random items from a post he saw called something like „100 Ways to a Sexier Marriage”. His cousin replied, „well those sound so easy and simple”. To which my friend replied, exactly! But these are the what exactly you need to complete to reactivate love in the marriage.
so the cousin did something about it along with a couple of days later called My friend stating that his wife loved his special treatment. It built them into feel much nearer to one another and reactivated the emotions of love towards each other. Her positive reaction even led to her husband signing up to adopt dance classes with her, a thing that he shunned in the overdue for their combative relationship.
I’m not professing this approach contributes positively to any or all marriages. some may be destined for failure plus some might have deep psychological issues, like abusive behavior or addiction problems (ie drugs or alcohol). But for many marriages, they may be just in a rut and want methods to awaken communication and intimacy. the couple that likes you one another is much better suitable for address and resolve problems compared to couple that fights.